Ralph Kingston
Ralph is a senior resident of Shady Pines. He is most known for his status as County Clerk of the Shady Pines government. Summary Ralph Kingston is the unfortunate child of Egbert J. Miller and Gladys P. Miller. Despite this he has managed to climb the ranks of the Shady Pines government and attain the rank of County Clerk, as well as Professor of the I.T. department. One important controversy surrounding Ralph is the question of whether or not he is actually real, a conflicting argument with no proof for either side. History DISCLAIMER: Below are events that may or may not have happened, as no one is entirely sure if Ralph is actually real. In 1901, Ralph Waldo Kingston, born Ralph Müller, was born to Egbert J. Miller and Gladys P. Miller on vacation in the village of Fucking, Austria. Ralph had a rather large family with many siblings. Early on, Ralph was assigned as Leon's Caretaker by his father and taught how to hack by his mother, although both of his parents have always said Ralph can go to Hell. Sometime during the production of the Star Wars films, Ralph was supported by Jedi Master Yoda, who taugt him how to use the "Force" and made Ralph his apprentice. Much to Ralph's concern, Yoda became addicted to ketamine, which led to Ralph joining the Dark Side. Around this time, Ralph also learned that Leon had sorceress-like powers and was a powerful being who created the Sith. Leon appointed Ralph to become a Sith Lord with him, warning that there could only be two Sith at a time. During the 1980s, Ralph became adopting a variety of animals including pigs whom he joyfuly castrated himself and a goat named Scampers. To raise enough money to support himself and his pets, Ralph formed the not-so-legal Ralph Kingston Foundation. This illegally earned Ralph lots of money and helped him become a Billionaire. With this money, Ralph purchased Bojangles and tried to buy out KFC as well, but failed, leading to Ralph's famous preference of Bojangles. In 2019, Ralph became very important and busy. He married his ex-wife Donald and, with his father's help, Ralph was elected County Clerk of Shady Pines and even an ordained minister. However, things did not start smoothly in the County Clerk's Office. Despite being trusted with the OPF Fan Fiction and Mesusiah Scripts, Ralph and Leon's Meth Lab caused a great fire. Due to this incident, Ralph remarried and is with his current wife, Gwen. They have 5 children who are millenial hags. Ralph took part in the 2019 Gang War by creating the Mongols gang with Leon, severely beating up seniors in Death Battles. After one such battle, Ralph even owned Ed's soul! Also in 2019, Ralph worked on his Dark Side Powers, even joining the Lodge of Sorceressants as a Book Keeper. As a member of the Lodge of Sorceressants, Ralph was once punished by being turned into a frog. After Leon's unfortunate death, Ralph appointed himself an apprentice, Benny, and began to reveal the truth of Leon's powers as both the First Sorceress and a Sith Lord, although the other seniors would not listen. In the technology dependent 2000s, Ralph increased his Hacking skills dramatically, unleashing his H4CK3R M0D3 and downloading his and Leon's conciousness onto the internet forever. He can now despawn when you look away to save RAM. With these abilities, Ralph became a Professor of the I.T. Department and founded the Hackers Around the Globe Society for others like him. With his and Leon's online consciousness, he and Leon often have sex in the Shady Pines Server Room, creating Spear Goblins. Sadly, many clans who are clashing keep walking in on Ralph and Leon doing the Hanky Panky. Quotes "OK, DRINK SOME PRUNE JUICE. PRUNE JUICE CAN BE OBTAINED FROM THE WILD GLADYS OF SHADY PINES, AS SHE IS ALREADY A PRUNE. WAIT FOR HER TO URINATE. WHEN SHE DOES, PRUNE JUICE WILL COME IN PLACE OF URINE." "I'LL TAKE THE FAMILY FEAST WITH MASHED POTATOES AND GRAVY, BOTH BONELESS, A SIDE OF MACARONI AND CHEESE, WITH EXTRA BONES, AND A SIDE OF PINTO BEANS. AND DON'T FORGET MY GALLON OF SWEAT TEA AND MY 8 PIECE CHICKEN TENDERS, 2 CHICKEN BREASTS, AND 4 CHICKEN LEGS. I WOULD ALSO LIKE A SIDE OF FUCK OFF." "GLADYS POOPS BEANS, SHE PEES PRUNE JUICE. HOW COULD SHE GET THAT MIXED UP." "MY PENIS IS FLEXIBLE, IT WILL GO UP MY ASS IF I WANT IT TO" "MY GERMAN TEACHER TOLD ME ABOUT FUCKING" "THEY HAVE "FREE STUFF" THAT'S "HEALTHY FOOD" IN THE SCHOOLS THAT LOOK LIKE ITS GONE THROUGH EGBERT'S BROKEN BOWELS AT LEAST 10 TIMES ALREADY I HEAR. AND GUESS HOW THEY AFFORD IT--- TAXES! IT'S CRAZY. I WANT MY KIDS TO GROW UP HOW I DID, WITH JUNK FOOD 24/7 SO THEY END UP LIKE ME. I'M TIRED OF MILLENIALS AND DEMOCRAPS TAKING MY MONEY FOR "FOOD" YOU CAN GET OUT OF A DUMPSTER FOR FREE." Trivia *Ralph was once the caretaker of Leon, Shady Pine's dungeon troll. *Ralph participated in the Shady Pines Gang War of 2019, being the leader of the Mongol gang. *Ralph was temporarily turned into a frog after angering a cult of witches, but thankfully he is back to his old senior self now. *Ralph is a master hacker, being able to hack mark zuckleberg himself. *Ralph once castrated a pig with much joy. *Ralph has 3 goats. *Ralph runs a money laundering scheme by collecting "taxes" and "offerings" for his "legal charity" the Ralph Kingston Foundation. This has helped Ralph become a billionaire. *Ralph prefers Bojangles over KFC. *Ralph once owned Ed's soul after a Death Battle. *Ralph also has a hacker mode where he talks 71K3 TH15. *Ralph was blamed for the burning of Shady Pines County Clerk Office, which resulted in families being reselected. *Ralph has both a foot fetish and a corn fetish. *Ralph was once a Jedi trained by Yoda. This was until Yoda became addicted to ketamine, which cause Ralph to doubt his master. Ralph is currently a Sith, trained by Leon and is the master of Benny. Because of these facts, Ralph is a powerful Force user. *Ralph stops existing as soon as you look away from him to save RAM. *Spear Goblins are created when Leon and Ralph have sex. Category:Residents